Why Toilet Paper?????

Last Thursday I found myself at Job Lot at 8:30 a.m. After Trump’s pandemic declaration I realized shit just got real. I live in my own little world shielded from the news on a “need to know” basis because as a survivor of PTSD the news is a constant trigger making life more difficult than it already is. I can’t even fill my gas tank these days without the news blaring through some speaker about murders, national disasters, or child molestation. It’s ridiculous that we live in a world where information is being streamed into your soul wherever we go, be it the doctors waiting room, gas station, or social media. It is my personal opinion that none of us were made to process the amount of information our technology delivers 24/7. However, when big things go down nationally or locally, I investigate them in a way that I can control and handle.

Back to Job Lot….. so I decided after the national address what I need most was watercolor paper;0) and can you believe Job Lot carries the Strathmore 300 series??? It’s a steal. This is what I felt I needed most in a possible quarantine scenario. I didn’t think of food or water or anything else because art is my survival tool. The first thing I notice upon entering the store is a table set up for hand sanitization. The panic thats been growing inside me for the past 24 hours grows a little more. After I sanitize my hands I decide to keep 2 lysol wipes in each hand because I am a recovering germaphobic. When I was a kid my siblings called me “germ face” because at dinner I would inspect all silverware for grime or prints and hold my glass up to the light for inspection of fingerprints and I don’t know?? Food? I was like 7. All through elementary school and high school I never once ate the cafeteria food. I didn’t even like sitting next to people with trays.

But I digress… so equipped with my new lysol wipe mitts I proceed to b-line to the art section when I then notice the other customers loading up on toilet paper. Soooo even though I don’t know why they feel that toilet paper is the most emergent supply I get on board and grab a couple packs and mimic their carts: hand sanitizer, soap, etc.. I even texted my friend a picture of my cart and declare to her she needs to get here ASAP. Because?? I have no idea. Later on that day my husband and I chat about the stupidity of the toilet paper crisis because when all else fails we can sit, splash, sit and air dry!!!!

It was during this shopping trip that I had the idea for the piece pictured here, “Pandemic”. A girl surrounded by germs with her mask and essential toilet paper roll. The piece was actually a lot of fun to make and a good outlet for the increasing panic in my head.

So obviously things have worsened since last Thursday and the shit is now real and hitting the fan but in the mean time some of my more negative personality aspects from trauma are serving me well. I have hundreds of shoe boxes filled with unpleasant things in the closet of mind that are closed and put away until I want to take them out and have a looksie. Corona virus is a new addition to the menagerie. I even decorate my imaginary shoe boxes. I have not gotten to this new addition yet in my virtual closet but I have time in the social distancing we are participating in now:). My family and I are being smart and following the suggested protocols. In some way I hope the slowing down of society will be a silver lining in this horrible crisis. We live in a culture that needs to slow way down. I plan on drawing, painting, walking, reading and just being. I hope you all stay healthy and find your own ways to curb the panic. What ways are you coping? I would love to know if you have any creative ideas!